If None Of This Is Real
by ChronicallyinFlaming
Summary: Written for the mass kink meme. When Shepard finally arrives, Liara is convinced she is just a hallucination. So why not take advantage of the opportunity?


**The Prompt: **_If none of this is real..._

_Alright, you know how in ME1, if you recruit Liara after doing all the other missions, at first she thinks you're a hallucination?_

_I want a fic where Liara keeps thinking that a little longer, and decides as long as she's imagining things, she may as well take advantage of the opportunity._

_FemShep/Liara prefered, but bonus points if she also goes after Ashley... *grin*_

**The Fill:**

* * *

"Why yes, yes I am."

She was practically a paragon of human nature, according to the way others reacted around her. This was completely unethical. As was the asari scientist touching her in this manner. Wasn't there a code of ethics doctors had to follow? Even archeologist? Though, Indiana Jones never seemed to follow much of a code beyond 'be awesome and manage to pull off a fedora.'

Because, despite all her other talents that had elevated her to the position of spectre, Shepard had never managed to pull that one off.

But she was disgressing. Possibly to take her mind off this adorable young girl/woman alien touching her cheeks and hair. "I've always been curious about your race's hair. It's softer than it looks. I never thought I'd fantasies about being with a human. Especially one with red hair. It's oddly specific. Though you do have beautiful eyes."

So, Shepard melted a little. Feeling incredibly guilty, for waiting to see the scientist, for doing this. "Doctor, I need to tell you something."

"I would like it if you referred to me as Liara." She pulled Shepard down for a kiss.

It had been a long time since she'd been kissed. Maybe over a year. Jane could remember it clearly. A bar with loud music and too many shots, a corporal who had a boyfriend that she was having troubles with, hopes being given new life after making out in the corner, and then having those hopes strangled slowly after hearing the woman talking to her boyfriend and acting like nothing had ever happened. Before then, basic training and falling in love and having her first relationship with someone that didn't deny kissing her, in public, and the distance that had slowly eroded their relationship until she got that message and spent an hour crying quietly in her bunk until she had to go back on duty, only to go out there and watch her unit get slaughtered by a thresher maw.

For such a sweet-looking girl, this Liara was not shy in the least. A little clumsy, but that hand on her breast was very enthusiastic.

Can I please just carry you onto the Normandy and take you with me forever?

She couldn't say she'd been very interested in asari before. Sure, like so many others, she'd taken Jello shots off a blue stomach once or twice, but had never gone out with one. Or been felt up by one. Let alone pushed into a wall, and being eaten by a hungry purple mouth that really seemed to like her neck. And her hair, given the hands touching it, the stray words that Shepard could make out, 'beautiful, like fire.'

Which made Jane think briefly that this asari might be a pyromaniac, but not be concerned enough to make her stop.

They nuzzled, unexpectedly. The skin was dry, smooth, not leathery or scaly, really. Or scary. Those blue eyes were amazing. Big, perfect. Turned half-lidded with interest. Dark eyelashes. Above those specks of blue what-might-be-freckles that were frankly the most charming thing she'd laid eyes on.

Fingers, warm and smooth, on her face. "Such a pretty mouth."

There was not enough room between them to slide an instrument to measure the distance.

"I suppose it makes sense it would be a human. You are a race that always moves fast. I suppose the fear of being referred to as a 'pureblood' has unconsciously discouraged me from melding with another asari. And a human female is closer to what I am familiar with. In regards to asari and woman looking similar, I mean. Well, you know. You are part of my mind, after all."

"Yes, about that."

The hands were exploring her, curious. No hesitation feeling areas that had only been touched by Shepard lately. "I would have thought you'd be taller. Perhaps a little less thin."

Were those gorgeous eyes focused on her chest?

"But I do enjoy your hips." Touching her waist.

"And your shoulders." Touching those too.

"The muscles are very attractive."

Then Shepard was being undressed by this over-imaginative asari archeologist. Being inspected, like Liara had to give a lab report on her, and was shooting for an 'Excellent'. Over a hundred percent, from the way she spread Jane's legs and then sat on the ground to better explore her.

"What is this?"

"Uuuh. Uh. That feels great."

"An erogenous zone?"

"Oh yeah."

"What should I do with it, soldier?"

"Lick it. Touch it with your fingers. Soldier?" Did T'Soni have a soldier thing? A thing for a woman in a uniform?

"Oh, like an asari crest. And you even produce lubrication as well."

Just shoving a blue finger up there, and moving it around before Shepard could say anything. "Similar to my own. That makes sense. Yes, only the males of your species have such different genitals. Lick this part, you said?"

At least a couple of these blue tile things were going to be broken, Shepard could tell. By her own hands. Probably breaking those in the bargain too. It was like getting oral in a bathroom. A bathroom in a cramped, hot cave. Another new one. Yes, just getting fingered at a prothean dig site that had been created over fifty thousand years ago, that's how I spend my days. Shooting mercenaries and fighting geth, and screwing asari girls. I am James Bonds, but without the suit.

But did Bond worry about being found by her crew members, and possibly getting in trouble for having dalliances with a witness to be brought to the Council? Wasn't this woman's mother a traitor—_a traitor_ _that she'd killed_. Why god. And had Bond ever worried about the size of his chest and how those woman might react if they heard he'd killed their mother?

None of that seemed to stop her from 'lubricating' those fingers. She needed to stop all this, and not orgasm, and undo all the damage she'd done. Taking advantage of a confused woman, for her own selfish, amazing pleasure. Find your pants, Shepard. Bond never got to have a serious relationship with anyone, now did he? And probably had been riddled with STD's. If he'd been real.

But he was not, and she needed to take advice from real people that had been in real relationships. And she couldn't just send a message to her Mom for advice. Could she? Her omni-pad was right here. No, no, that would be awkward. And if Liara thought this was a fantasy, she would realize something was wrong if Shepard started to act weird.

Her teammates might have helped with this, if they hadn't gotten separated after that bridge had fallen in. Well, maybe Ashley could help. Or just be freaked out by all this. Wrex would probably just laugh and tell her to have fun with the asari. The others back on the Normandy would be uncomfortable, probably. Except Joker, who would want pictures.

"I like the noises you make. And the way you taste. I hadn't consciously thought about this before. Doing this, with another person."

"I feel so very flattered. Really. You're amazing. Smart. Thought I didn't get all that about melding stuff. And you probably have fifteen degrees in a bunch of stuff."

"I had no idea I had such an ego."

The worse sound in the universe: footsteps.

Jane turned her head, knowing her face was contorted in horror.

"Hi there, Williams."

And Ashley looked horrified too. And a little burnt. And muddy.

Liara was still stuck in whatever fantasy world she thought this was. Sheprd wished dearly she could crawl into the asari's head and exist in that place, and not be in this universe. They could live there, in a nice apartment, and never have to explain this moment to anyone. "Oh, a second one of you?"

"Uuuuuh. Commander?"

"Believe it or not, I can explain. Not with me looking good, however."

"I disagree." Liara kissed her shoulder. "Now, is she going to join in?"

How could any universe create a creature so adorably innocent, and so perverted?

Shepard pulled forth whatever courage that allowed her to go kill that thresher maw, and had made her drink that turian liquor, and had perhaps made her think that she could pull this whole thing off and not hurt this Liara T'soni. This, brain, is why we can't have nice things. "Doctor T'soni. I'm not some apparition from your mind."

"You're not. No. You're real." Those blue eyes were getting even bigger. A flicker of horror, fear, perhaps crossing them?

And of course now Wrex was stomping in. "Shepard. What the hell?" then giving a very krogan laugh.

"You thought she was…not real?"

"Apparently." She found some of her clothes, and tried to put them on. Wrex made a big show of rolling his eyes and turning away. While the other two women (or close enough anyway), were beginning to glare at her. Wanting an explanation.

"I should go. We should all go. Before this place falls down and kills us all. We'll talk about it on the Normandy."

Liara was rubbing at her face, over and over again. "The what?"

"Oh, yeah, Saren is after you. Because of your Mom. Who was a traitor. And is now dead. Because she was indoctrinated. See, this is why we should talk on the Normandy. We should go, before more of those mercenaries and geth show up."


End file.
